It's dangerous outside. Have a bird.

Are you neurospicy and looking for a pet? Or maybe you have taken it to the next level and are looking for a neurospicy pet??? You came to the right blog post. And since I am all in for accessibility, that also includes you, who may simply be into funny texts about parrots. Yeas, even if you are an oh-so-tedious-neurotypical. The title says it all: I’ll give you evidence parrots are freaking awesome companions for those neurodivergent at heart.

They are full of little weird quirks

Just like us, parrots can be quite expressive in their own whimsical ways. You think cats are random? Joke’s on you, because in a British accent the cockatoo. Yes, that was meant to be a joke about how cockatoos are random too; perhaps even more so. Anyhow… From our little buddies, the budgies, to the huge ass claws of the macaws, it’s guaranteed — there will be an idiosyncrasy to match yours.

They are a portable white noise boombox

Do you need the TV on to focus? Or maybe the steady spinning of a fan? Whatever your white or background noise needs are, the parrots can provide them. Best still, they are portable. And I assure you, walking your bird out will look way more badass than if you had a dog or a cat. Think pirates, save the commitment of a peg-leg.

Best still, if you train your parrot well enough, you won’t have to deal with people trying to talk to you. One murderous vicious peck and, I assure you, nobody will be approaching you just so they could pet your winged friend. You’ll be left alone more often than if you had any noise cancelling tools on you.

Great for passing

Do you have to pass as a neurotypical, but your need for stim is so bad you just can’t (and shouldn’t, mind you) shut your mouth? Well, birds are just what you need, then! Like a bird’s mask, you mask your echolalia by pretending to train them. Or maybe you aren’t even actually pretending — you just want your fluffy fellow to learn how to whistle your favourite tune, so you won’t be alone on your daily humming rumination.

Like AI, but greener

Now, not all parrots are green, but they sure as heck are more ecologically viable than ye AI of choice. As a meme I saw a while ago mentioned, both birds and the AI assistants will hallucinate the complete oeuvres of hogwash, will steal their vocabulary from randoms, and will sound like they know what they are saying, even though they have the faintest idea.

The major difference is that birds are cute, colourful, and won’t destroy the environment to foster capitalism’s speculation as they disguise their worthlessness and inefficiency as bugs instead of features. Birds can sing. Birds can give you some genuine affection. Birds can make you laugh out of the blue, because they are living beings, and not simple machines processing inputs. It’s a no-brainer.

Stimuli unbound

Like I said, birds are colourful, and they killed the radio stars with their sonic abilities. However, to make them justice, they are the whole stimuli deal. They are full of textures, from their fluffy feathers — those alone can vary widely when it comes to tactile sensations — to their tiny sharp ticklish claws and funny beaks. One can only hope their cockatiel trusts them enough to let them touch their Benimaru Nikaido crest. Some tutors even take it a step further and like sniffing their friendos. Birds: adding the addictive to our ADD!

A lifelong bond

Many parrots can live well beyond a decade. Some even go past their hundredth year, and they hardly show signs of ageing. Granted, diseases are often harder to notice before it’s too late and they are way harder to treat, but a healthy bird should keep you company through numerous key events of your life. They will stay steady as changes go by. Not all pets get to stay as long, and certainly not with as much liveliness as that of a parrot.

So, all jokes aside, be sensible. Taking care of a parrot is a huge commitment. It’s expensive, birds need to be constantly entertained, they can get clingy, cleaning is an endless effort, and they have a considerable life span. So, even when it’s not a lifelong bond, they will still be a significant part of your life and will surely bring remarkable memories on the wing.

In loving memory of Julius “Juju” Julensen III, the cockatiel, the first of his name.